Five Reasons to be Unhappy
May 8th 2008 05:51
We all want to be happy, don’t we? Sure we do. Happiness is the great goal of the 21st century. We want more money because that will make us happy. We want to find the love of our lives because that will make us happy. We want our problems to vanish because then we can be happy. We buy self-help books that will show us how to be happy.
This focus on happiness has even made its way into our churches. We are told if we give to the churches, God will return it a hundredfold. If there’s something we really want, God wants to give it to us. If we have problems, we can pray them away. If we are unhappy because of pain in our past, that God wants to heal us. Over and over again, the message is the same. God wants to bless us. He wants us to be happy.
But is this happiness thing all it’s cracked up to be? I don’t think so. Being happy shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of our lives. Sometimes being unhappy says something positive about who we are as people. Sometimes there are good reasons for being unhappy. So here they are. My top five reasons for being unhappy.
1. UNHAPPY PEOPLE CARE MORE. I was recently sent an email that claimed that people with right-wing political views were happier than left-wingers. The article suggested that the reason for this was that right-wing people did not care about injustice and equality in the world. It doesn’t seem fair, but it makes sense. Whether it’s on a global, national or strictly personal scale, it’s hard to be happy when you care for people. The more you care for people, the harder it is to be happy when bad things happen to them.
2. UNHAPPY PEOPLE VALUE THINGS MORE. One of the reasons why some people are unhappy is because there is something we want that we don’t have. We look at those people who seem to have it all and think gee they must be happy. Personally, I’d hate to have everything handed to me on a platter. If you never have to go without something, you really don’t appreciate the fact that you have it. The more we struggle to get what we want, the higher value we place on it when we get it.
3. UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE MORE REAL. Most of us have met at least one of those annoyingly constantly happy people. Their smiles never falter. Their words are always positive. Their masks are always on. It’s hard to get to know them because it’s hard to see them as real people. We all have some pain in our lives. People who pretend that they don’t just aren’t being real. It feels like their hiding their true emotions.
4. UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE MORE UNDERSTANDING. I have positive upbeat friends that I sometimes ring when I want someone to help me see the brighter side of life. But when I’m really down, I ring someone who has more than a passing acquaintance with unhappiness. Even though we may not have been through a person’s particular problem, our own pain and unhappiness helps us feel compassion for others. Shedding tears yourself gives you more tolerance for other’s weeping.
5. UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE LESS SELFISH. Sometimes what makes me happy is going to conflict with what makes another person happy. If I treat my own happiness as of primary importance, then everybody else’s happiness becomes secondary. Taken to extremes, a person who focuses only on their happiness is never going to do anything for anyone else that might threaten that happiness. That’s being selfish. Whereas a person who is okay with some unhappiness is prepared to sacrifice their own happiness on occasions, in order to help bring about the happiness of others.
So there it is. Sure being unhappy may not be the most blissful state imaginable. It can make you cry. It can make you so miserable that nobody wants to be around you. But it can also – surprisingly – give you a certain joy. The joy of knowing you’re an okay person. The joy of seeing that you have something to give.
This focus on happiness has even made its way into our churches. We are told if we give to the churches, God will return it a hundredfold. If there’s something we really want, God wants to give it to us. If we have problems, we can pray them away. If we are unhappy because of pain in our past, that God wants to heal us. Over and over again, the message is the same. God wants to bless us. He wants us to be happy.
But is this happiness thing all it’s cracked up to be? I don’t think so. Being happy shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of our lives. Sometimes being unhappy says something positive about who we are as people. Sometimes there are good reasons for being unhappy. So here they are. My top five reasons for being unhappy.
1. UNHAPPY PEOPLE CARE MORE. I was recently sent an email that claimed that people with right-wing political views were happier than left-wingers. The article suggested that the reason for this was that right-wing people did not care about injustice and equality in the world. It doesn’t seem fair, but it makes sense. Whether it’s on a global, national or strictly personal scale, it’s hard to be happy when you care for people. The more you care for people, the harder it is to be happy when bad things happen to them.
2. UNHAPPY PEOPLE VALUE THINGS MORE. One of the reasons why some people are unhappy is because there is something we want that we don’t have. We look at those people who seem to have it all and think gee they must be happy. Personally, I’d hate to have everything handed to me on a platter. If you never have to go without something, you really don’t appreciate the fact that you have it. The more we struggle to get what we want, the higher value we place on it when we get it.
3. UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE MORE REAL. Most of us have met at least one of those annoyingly constantly happy people. Their smiles never falter. Their words are always positive. Their masks are always on. It’s hard to get to know them because it’s hard to see them as real people. We all have some pain in our lives. People who pretend that they don’t just aren’t being real. It feels like their hiding their true emotions.
4. UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE MORE UNDERSTANDING. I have positive upbeat friends that I sometimes ring when I want someone to help me see the brighter side of life. But when I’m really down, I ring someone who has more than a passing acquaintance with unhappiness. Even though we may not have been through a person’s particular problem, our own pain and unhappiness helps us feel compassion for others. Shedding tears yourself gives you more tolerance for other’s weeping.
5. UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE LESS SELFISH. Sometimes what makes me happy is going to conflict with what makes another person happy. If I treat my own happiness as of primary importance, then everybody else’s happiness becomes secondary. Taken to extremes, a person who focuses only on their happiness is never going to do anything for anyone else that might threaten that happiness. That’s being selfish. Whereas a person who is okay with some unhappiness is prepared to sacrifice their own happiness on occasions, in order to help bring about the happiness of others.
So there it is. Sure being unhappy may not be the most blissful state imaginable. It can make you cry. It can make you so miserable that nobody wants to be around you. But it can also – surprisingly – give you a certain joy. The joy of knowing you’re an okay person. The joy of seeing that you have something to give.
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Comment by S. L. Bradish
I've noticed that it really doesn't work that way. The libs/dems are always depressed and trying to change the world. On the surface it appears that they "care" more but that isn't necessarily true. Putting bumpers on the front of shopping carts for the homeless was one of those "helpful" ideas from the "caring" left. So was forced bussing. So was abortion. So was welfare. So was socialized medicine. Each of these things appear, on the surface, to be ways of helping the less fortunate. But they're not. They're ways of making everyone equally miserable because "misery loves company." Finding ways to keep everyone down to a certain level of unhappiness is not a good thing.
Happy people aren't happy because they don't care about others, samaritan. The "right wingers" who are happy all the time want to share their happiness and help others achieve their own.
Instead of putting bumpers on shopping carts for the homeless, the happy people wanted to have job training and educational opportunities for the homeless so they could improve their circumstances. Instead of forced bussing for students to create racial equality in education, the happy people wanted to move the teachers around and hold them accountable for student success. Instead of abortion, the happy people wanted to encourage abstinance and adoption, not the killing of unwanted children. Instead of welfare, the happy people wanted to create opportunities for people to improve their financial positions. Socialized medicine is just another means of equalizing the bad instead of making an effort to improve the system. Are you seeing a difference here?
Simply put, happy people want to share their happiness and have prosperity for others. Unahppy people want to keep everyone down to a level of manageable misery. Remember the old adage, "Give a man a fish every day and you will keep him fed. But teach a man to fish and he will feed himself"? That's the difference, samaritan.
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
Samaritan's Stories
Thanks for your comments. I think if people become more miserable because they've been made aware of the plight of other people in the world, that's not necessarily a bad thing. And I'm pretty sure that people don't put bumper stickers on shopping carts isn't just an attempt to make others unhappy.
In Australia, there was a big campaign against Work Choices in the lead-up to the last election. I had a Your Rights At Work sticker on my wheelie bin. I'm afraid that making people miserable didn't actually enter my thinking at all when I put it on there. What I wanted to do was help make people aware so that things could be done to stop Work Choices. the more people who are aware of an issue, the more people care about it. The more people care about, the more likely they are to try and stop it.
Samaritan
Comment by S. L. Bradish
Being aware of a problem is the first step toward solving it, true. It's the difference in solutions that I was pointing out. "Feel good" things that accomplish nothing don't really help. Solving problems should be improving the circumstances, not enabling bad behavior or expensive "quick fixes" that do nothing in the long run.
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
Samaritan's Stories
Sorry, I misunderstood you. I guess I didn't read carefully. But I think that probably all sides of government have been guilty, at some time or another, or band-aid solutions that cost heaps of money and accomplish nothing. I don't know enough about American politics to comment specifically on the things you have mentioned.
Samaritan
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
Samaritan's Stories
Me too. Although I've written this list about being unhappy, I also think it's very important to laugh and have fun and find joy.