The Breakfast Police
April 14th 2008 06:25
The other night I gave my kids fruit loops at dinner time. It wasn’t something I had ever done before – or ever plan to do again. But we had had a late, big lunch and they weren’t hungry. I thought I would do something fun and silly and give them fruit loops. Not very nutritious, I know. But it was a one-off thing and I’m sure they’re not suffering any last consequences.
They thought it was great fun. But I did tell them that we have to watch out for the breakfast police. I said they monitor people’s houses and can come in to arrest anyone who is eating breakfast cereal at the wrong time. They knew I was joking, of course. Nevertheless, I did notice a few furtive glances towards the front door.
It may have been a joke, but sometimes we act as if the secret police are monitoring our every move, ready to arrest us for doing anything the wrong way. Kids are particularly good at this. My eldest son once refused to eat sandwiches because they were cut into triangles, not rectangles. But adults do it too.
What we wear. The words we use. The places we go. The way we worship. The secret police may arrest us if step slightly outside those invisible boundaries. What we think the secret police might arrest us for varies from person to person. Some of us have very personal secret police crimes, ones specific only to us. I am strictly a jeans girl and my favourite colour is brown. The first time I wore a red dress, I was sure the fashion police would come and get me. Instead I got compliments. Go figure.
But those secret police crimes can come from a multitude of sources. The way our parents did this. Things we do out of habit. Things we do in a certain way because someone, at some time, told us it should be done that way. Things that everyone seems to do a particular way and we’re too frightened to be different.
When I first became a Christian, I was told that every Christian had to have a quiet time with God. It should be first thing in the morning. It should include praying with a prayer journal. It should also include bible study – reading the bible from cover to cover, a little bit at a time. I am not a morning person, for a start. I rarely managed my quiet time in the mornings and when I did I got very little out of it. My prayer journal also didn’t work. As someone who likes to write, I just couldn’t write one sentence or phrase to remind me what I had to prayer for. I had to write two page length prayers, that I repeated word for word every day. I’m still working on my bible study, experimenting with different methods until I find the write one for me. But reading cover to cover is definitely not it.
Another place the secret police make their invisible presence known is in prayer meetings. In a prayer meeting, there’s usually a wide variety of people, of different ages, different backgrounds and different careers. We all speak differently. Some use a lot of slang. Some don’t use any. Some ramble on for ages. Some get straight to the point. Some use a lot of multi-syllable words. Others prefer to keep it simple.
The funny thing is that when we pray, we tend to almost the same. The same words, the same way of expressing things, the same length of our prayers. I do it too. I don’t like it, but I do. Whereas at home, I don’t pray like that at all. Maybe I think at least one person in the prayer meeting has surely got to be spying on me for the secret prayer police.
Every night before dinner, I say grace. My grace is definitely not your typical grace. You probably have to be an Aussie to understand it. But it goes “Dear God, thanks for the tucker.” It probably sounds a bit irreverent. But I wanted something easy to remember and easy to understand for my kids. I prefer to have something short that means something to them, rather than a lot of words that mean nothing.
My youngest child loves it. My eldest son has taken longer to warm to the idea. So every night I would say, “Dear God, thanks for the tucker.” Then my youngest son would say, “Dear God, thanks for the tucker.” Then my eldest son would say, “For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful.” Then the other day, he didn’t say it. He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the tucker prayer. But he just said Amen after my son and I had said our prayers. Perhaps he finally realised that the Grace police weren’t going to come and arrest him. Or maybe he felt a bit silly saying the traditional prayer over fruit loops.
Oh and by the way – I swear that was the only time I have ever given my children fruit loops for dinner and I promise never to do it again. Don’t tell the bad parenting police on me – please.
They thought it was great fun. But I did tell them that we have to watch out for the breakfast police. I said they monitor people’s houses and can come in to arrest anyone who is eating breakfast cereal at the wrong time. They knew I was joking, of course. Nevertheless, I did notice a few furtive glances towards the front door.
It may have been a joke, but sometimes we act as if the secret police are monitoring our every move, ready to arrest us for doing anything the wrong way. Kids are particularly good at this. My eldest son once refused to eat sandwiches because they were cut into triangles, not rectangles. But adults do it too.
What we wear. The words we use. The places we go. The way we worship. The secret police may arrest us if step slightly outside those invisible boundaries. What we think the secret police might arrest us for varies from person to person. Some of us have very personal secret police crimes, ones specific only to us. I am strictly a jeans girl and my favourite colour is brown. The first time I wore a red dress, I was sure the fashion police would come and get me. Instead I got compliments. Go figure.
But those secret police crimes can come from a multitude of sources. The way our parents did this. Things we do out of habit. Things we do in a certain way because someone, at some time, told us it should be done that way. Things that everyone seems to do a particular way and we’re too frightened to be different.
When I first became a Christian, I was told that every Christian had to have a quiet time with God. It should be first thing in the morning. It should include praying with a prayer journal. It should also include bible study – reading the bible from cover to cover, a little bit at a time. I am not a morning person, for a start. I rarely managed my quiet time in the mornings and when I did I got very little out of it. My prayer journal also didn’t work. As someone who likes to write, I just couldn’t write one sentence or phrase to remind me what I had to prayer for. I had to write two page length prayers, that I repeated word for word every day. I’m still working on my bible study, experimenting with different methods until I find the write one for me. But reading cover to cover is definitely not it.
Another place the secret police make their invisible presence known is in prayer meetings. In a prayer meeting, there’s usually a wide variety of people, of different ages, different backgrounds and different careers. We all speak differently. Some use a lot of slang. Some don’t use any. Some ramble on for ages. Some get straight to the point. Some use a lot of multi-syllable words. Others prefer to keep it simple.
The funny thing is that when we pray, we tend to almost the same. The same words, the same way of expressing things, the same length of our prayers. I do it too. I don’t like it, but I do. Whereas at home, I don’t pray like that at all. Maybe I think at least one person in the prayer meeting has surely got to be spying on me for the secret prayer police.
Every night before dinner, I say grace. My grace is definitely not your typical grace. You probably have to be an Aussie to understand it. But it goes “Dear God, thanks for the tucker.” It probably sounds a bit irreverent. But I wanted something easy to remember and easy to understand for my kids. I prefer to have something short that means something to them, rather than a lot of words that mean nothing.
My youngest child loves it. My eldest son has taken longer to warm to the idea. So every night I would say, “Dear God, thanks for the tucker.” Then my youngest son would say, “Dear God, thanks for the tucker.” Then my eldest son would say, “For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful.” Then the other day, he didn’t say it. He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the tucker prayer. But he just said Amen after my son and I had said our prayers. Perhaps he finally realised that the Grace police weren’t going to come and arrest him. Or maybe he felt a bit silly saying the traditional prayer over fruit loops.
Oh and by the way – I swear that was the only time I have ever given my children fruit loops for dinner and I promise never to do it again. Don’t tell the bad parenting police on me – please.
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Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Fun but insightful post.
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
Samaritan.
Comment by Rosemary
Alpaca Notes - Tasmania
After the start of his first mass when everyone reeled off the "in the name of the Father .. etc etc" in unison, the new priest said a bright, cheery "Good Morning!"
It threw everyone off and they just looked around not knowing what to do - he'd changed the script that they'd been used to hearing every Sunday, year in, year out.
A couple of brave souls ventured a surprised "Good Morning Father". It wasn't many weeks though, before that "Good Morning Father" became part of the script and was mumbled in the same monotone as the rest of the mass seemed to be.
That priest was good fun and he threw in lots of stuff like that, to keep people on their toes. I heard that he ended up leaving the priesthood later and went into youth work or something. (Maybe the Mass Script Police got him
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
RubySoho - I'm pretty sure you're safe in that case. But if people with breakfast police badges come to the door, just tell them you ate it on Easter.
Samaritan.