Is it okay to get angry?
May 14th 2008 03:38
I have a lot of problems, but one thing I thought I could be proud of was that I didn’t have a problem with anger. When I heard sermons about anger in church, I felt I could finally relax. At least this was something I wasn’t doing wrong. I hardly ever got angry.
I read something in the bible the other day that I must have read at least 100 times before, and never really paid attention to. It was Luke 17:3: Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
It was that little word rebuke that jumped up at me. I think perhaps I had always skimmed through it, quickly getting to the bit about forgiveness. The word kept going over and over in my head. Rebuke, rebuke, rebuke. (As a side note, search for the word rebuke in the bible and you’ll find it was used a number of times by prophets and by Jesus.) I didn’t do much rebuking. In fact, I rarely did any rebuking. There was no point in saying something to someone if you weren’t actually angry with them.
When someone did something bad to me, I tended to dismiss any wrong they had done. I thought that was my way of dealing with anger in a healthy and Christian way. I thought that the aim should be not to have anger at all. And I was there – or so I thought.
In fact, the danger with anger is not being angry. Jesus got angry. So did God. Anger in itself is not bad. Now some people would suggest that Jesus and God’s anger were righteous anger and so it is allowable. Whereas other types of anger are not. This also happens to give them permission, if you like, to be angry themselves against sin. Personally, I think anger against injustice is more important than anger against sin. But let’s leave the discussion on what constitute righteous aside for the moment. I think it’s not so much why we’re angry that’s important, but It is how we deal with that anger.
I thought I had the whole anger thing under control. I didn’t get angry – therefore, I was doing the right thing. In actual fact, I did get angry. It’s just that anger didn’t get acknowledged. It was pushed so deep inside of me, that I didn’t even know it was there. And because it was so deep down, I couldn’t deal with the feelings. So instead of simply getting angry and getting over it, that anger would simmer inside, making me miserable.
I’m saying this as if it’s something I learnt a long time ago. But it’s something I’m still in the process of learning. When someone does something bad to me, it’s still hard for me to acknowledge that I’m angry with them. I tend to blame myself or blame God or just see it as another betrayal or rejection that defines my life.
But when I actually step back and acknowledge my anger, then I can start to find healing. For a start, it’s no longer my life that I’m looking at, but one isolated incident. It focuses my attention on what actually has happened, instead of seeing it as just one part of my whole sorry life. But then too, it offers the chance for healing.
I think the healthiest thing to do with anger is just what Jesus said. Rebuke and then forgive. If my anger is hidden, I can’t do that. But when I recognise my anger, then I can. If allowing myself to get angry just means I’m stewing over something for ages, it’s probably not going to do any good. Nor would it do any good if I were to lash out in rage or dream of plots of revenge. But if my anger enables me to say something to the person and then forgive that person, I can finally move on. I think that’s a much healthier way of dealing with anger than simply keeping it hidden.
I read something in the bible the other day that I must have read at least 100 times before, and never really paid attention to. It was Luke 17:3: Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
It was that little word rebuke that jumped up at me. I think perhaps I had always skimmed through it, quickly getting to the bit about forgiveness. The word kept going over and over in my head. Rebuke, rebuke, rebuke. (As a side note, search for the word rebuke in the bible and you’ll find it was used a number of times by prophets and by Jesus.) I didn’t do much rebuking. In fact, I rarely did any rebuking. There was no point in saying something to someone if you weren’t actually angry with them.
When someone did something bad to me, I tended to dismiss any wrong they had done. I thought that was my way of dealing with anger in a healthy and Christian way. I thought that the aim should be not to have anger at all. And I was there – or so I thought.
In fact, the danger with anger is not being angry. Jesus got angry. So did God. Anger in itself is not bad. Now some people would suggest that Jesus and God’s anger were righteous anger and so it is allowable. Whereas other types of anger are not. This also happens to give them permission, if you like, to be angry themselves against sin. Personally, I think anger against injustice is more important than anger against sin. But let’s leave the discussion on what constitute righteous aside for the moment. I think it’s not so much why we’re angry that’s important, but It is how we deal with that anger.
I thought I had the whole anger thing under control. I didn’t get angry – therefore, I was doing the right thing. In actual fact, I did get angry. It’s just that anger didn’t get acknowledged. It was pushed so deep inside of me, that I didn’t even know it was there. And because it was so deep down, I couldn’t deal with the feelings. So instead of simply getting angry and getting over it, that anger would simmer inside, making me miserable.
I’m saying this as if it’s something I learnt a long time ago. But it’s something I’m still in the process of learning. When someone does something bad to me, it’s still hard for me to acknowledge that I’m angry with them. I tend to blame myself or blame God or just see it as another betrayal or rejection that defines my life.
But when I actually step back and acknowledge my anger, then I can start to find healing. For a start, it’s no longer my life that I’m looking at, but one isolated incident. It focuses my attention on what actually has happened, instead of seeing it as just one part of my whole sorry life. But then too, it offers the chance for healing.
I think the healthiest thing to do with anger is just what Jesus said. Rebuke and then forgive. If my anger is hidden, I can’t do that. But when I recognise my anger, then I can. If allowing myself to get angry just means I’m stewing over something for ages, it’s probably not going to do any good. Nor would it do any good if I were to lash out in rage or dream of plots of revenge. But if my anger enables me to say something to the person and then forgive that person, I can finally move on. I think that’s a much healthier way of dealing with anger than simply keeping it hidden.
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Comment by S. L. Bradish
Comment by samaritan
Fringe Faith
Samaritan's Stories
That's very true. I'm sure most of us have things that have happened to us in the past, where we cannot confront that person. I also know people sometimes go through things where they just find it very hard to forgive someone. But I think it's still a good thing to try and forgive a person wherever possible - even if it means writing a letter you never send, for instance.